Seven reasons to not become a park ranger

Nearly every time I am introduced to someone as a park ranger, I inevitably hear something like, “Oh, I always wanted to be a park ranger.” It seems everyone has a romantic view of what it would be like to be a park ranger. Sure there are a lot of great things about being a park ranger, but it’s not all about getting paid to play in the outdoors.

Here are a few things that may make you think twice about choosing a ranger career:

1. It’s not sunny everyday.
Everyone thinks it would be great to have a job working outdoors when it is 78 degrees and sunny. How would you like to be riding a bike wearing a bulletproof vest when it is 95 degrees? How about digging a ditch while standing in six inches of mud while the sky unloads a torrent of rain? Have you ever tried to thaw a frozen pipe when it’s ten below zero? Guess who has to work outside no mater what the weather is: the park ranger.

2. Stuff is expensive.
They say park rangers are paid with sunsets. The problem is that food, rent, utilities, car payments, clothing, diapers…all that stuff costs money. Guess who is always struggling to pay the bills: the park ranger.

3. Your family and friends get weekends off
Your family and friends, like the rest of society, work and go to school Monday through Friday. People come to the park when they are not working. That means that the park is busy on nights, weekends and holidays. Guess who has to work when their family and friends don’t: the park ranger.

4. People are pigs.
People leave fast food wrappers in the parking lot, build campfires in pristine wilderness, tangle fishing line in the trees, throw beer bottles down the outhouse, puke in the sink, pee on the floor and crap on the toilet seat. Guess whose job it is to clean it all up: the park ranger.

5. Drunk people are not funny.
People have a couple of beers (at least that’s how much they always say they have had) and think that everything they do is hilarious. Peeing in a trash can instead of walking 50 feet to the bathroom is not funny. Raiding you neighbor’s cooler is not funny. Building an 8 foot tall bonfire is not funny. Asking if you can wear the park ranger’s hat is not funny. Guess whose job it is to tell them that they are not funny: the park ranger.

6. People don’t have any common courtesy.
People just don’t seem to care anymore how their actions impact others. They let their dog off leash so he can jump up on strangers to greet them with his muddy feet and snapping jaws. They play their favorite songs so loud that you can hear the thundering bass vibrate your fillings from a quarter mile away. They burn their garbage in their campfire so that downwind campsites can enjoy the scent of melting plastic and charred hotdogs. Guess who has to give them a lecture on proper manners: the park ranger.

7. Dirtbags go on vacation too.
Criminals seem to enjoy visiting the parks just as much as us regular folks. In fact some, prefer hanging out in parks because they aren’t hassled by the cops as much. Guess who has to deal with these criminals without a partner and with the nearest backup 30 minutes out: the park ranger.