Wednesday, July 26, 2006

Introducing Ranger Gord's Rhadamanthine Citations

Part of a park ranger's job is to educate park visitors about the law. While most visitors simply need a helpful reminder to follow the rules, there are those who just won't follow the rules unless they are given the right motivation. Park ranger's typically carry motivational notes in packs of 25 in a shiny metal ticket book and will freely distribute them out to anyone who insists that the rules just don't apply to them.

Usually writing tickets is not a pleasurable experience for a park ranger. Negative reinforcement is not a pleasant experience for either the giver or the receiver. No one likes when they have to swat their dog on the nose for chewing up their shoes, but sometimes it is the only thing that will get them to stop their bad behavior.

Occasionally, however, you run into the ignoramus that wants to challenge your authority and openly tells you that they are going to continue to break the law in the future. These people don't just deserve a ticket, they have earned one. I have to admit that with these type of people, I get a certain pleasure in issuing a citation. Ranger Gord refers to these citations as Rhadamanthine Citations.

You are probably wondering, "What the hell does rhadamanthine mean?"

rhadamanthine (Dictionary.com)

Rhad·a·man·thine: adj. Strictly and uncompromisingly just.

Here we can see the word's origin:

Weird Words: Rhadamanthine (Weird Words)
We are taught less about the classics than we once were, so the name of Rhadamanthus (sometimes spelt Rhadamanthys) probably rings few bells. In Greek mythology, he was the son of Zeus and Europa, brother to King Minos of Crete and (in some versions of the tale), Prince Sarpedon of Lycia. In life he was renowned for his wisdom and justice. When he died, according to Plato, he went to Elysium, where the most favoured mortals were chosen by the gods to stay eternally, and there became ruler and judge. Together with Minos and Aeacus, he decided the fate of everyone who was brought before him —whether to live forever in Elysium, or be banished to the underworld and in judging was able to detect all the sins of one's life, no matter how well hidden. So Rhadamanthus became a byword for justice in its most severe and rigorous form.
Ranger Gord's Rhadamanthine Citations are given to people who not just broke the law, but people who knew they were breaking the law and then want to challenge the authority of a park ranger's authority to enforce that law. People who recieve Rhadamanthine Citations often believe that park rangers are assholes.

Rhadamanthine Citation #1:


fuck park rangers (FARR)
i went fishing for the first time in about 7 years the other day. somewhere around the hartwell damn, and a fucking park ranger sneaks out of the woods like fucking chuck norris in delta force. at this point it was about 9:30am and i was already half-cocked. i had tottaly forgot that you need a fishing licsence. ofcoarse i dont have one, and ofcoarse that mother-fucker asked for it. i didnt even catch any fish and this fuck bag wanted me to show him a fucking licsence. needless to say,but, i got a citation to go to court in a town i have never been to, and will never go to again.so now i have to pay about $150 for throwing string with a hook on the end of it in the water. what the fuck has this world come to? what happened to the days where you walked around with a loin cloth on, and ate peyote?
Apparently Mr. FARR was unaware of the obscure South Carolina law that requires all fisherman aged 16 or older to purchase a fishing license. A standard resisdent fishing license in South Carolina costs a mere $10.00. South Carolina even has made accomodations for those who don't understand modern technology and simply want to throw a "string with a hook on the end" by having a $3.00 cane pole permit (anyone hear the sound of dueling banjos?). After seeing Mr. FARR's superior command of the English language, I can only assume that he was a pleasure to deal with.

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

I am absolutely awestruck with your command of the English language! Not only have you introduced me to a new word, Rhadamanthine, but you managed to use third person, second person, and first person all in one paragraph!

Ranger Gord said...

Ranger Gord's high school English teacher said he would never win a Pulitzer. I guess she was right.

Baneor said...

Rhadamanthine Citation #1:

fuck park rangers (FARR)

i went fishing for the first time in about 7 years the other day. somewhere around the hartwell damn, and a fucking park ranger sneaks out of the woods like fucking chuck norris in delta force. at this point it was about 9:30am and i was already half-cocked. i had tottaly forgot that you need a fishing licsence. ofcoarse i dont have one, and ofcoarse that mother-fucker asked for it. i didnt even catch any fish and this fuck bag wanted me to show him a fucking licsence. needless to say,but, i got a citation to go to court in a town i have never been to, and will never go to again.so now i have to pay about $150 for throwing string with a hook on the end of it in the water. what the fuck has this world come to? what happened to the days where you walked around with a loin cloth on, and ate peyote?


Wow what a educated intelligent person, who by his own admission was "half coked at 0930" go you. guess it would be too much to ask to buy a 10 buck permit. Bet you he could have just received a warning and a make sure you get one next time if he had used better words with the citing ranger